shane

told me, that i am not empty, i am FULL.

tonight, i started with Empty by The Cranberries

All my plans fell through my hand 

They fell through my hands on me 

All my dreams, it suddenly seems 

It suddenly seems empty

Shane told me to stop listening to songs with titles like "Empty". he brought me this instead:

i was quite taken aback when i heard the song. then i smiled. it was quite a remedy. 

i told him he was one of a kind. i thought about the responses i would have likely received from the usual sources and decided that no one else would have reacted like he did and that i would make an effort. i need to start writing again, i felt this desperately a few nights ago in camp.

an anodyne, i need an anodyne. 

dithering, withering, curdling - i don't want that, i don't do that - what would happen to all the beautiful words i've gathered lately? what would happen to lampoonery, mesonoxian, anodyne, inviolate? they need to be cultivated, caressed, tickled under the chin, unleashed, hurtled against that which we do not want to remember.

chrysalis - the tutelary cocoon from which a butterfly emerges. how strange, how strange, a beauteous word as such to perform a perfunctory duty. nevertheless - retreat, retreat! into the chrysalis, most sterile and more importantly, anodynic. 

Shane told me, i am not empty, i am FULL